It's been a very long while since I last posted. So much has happened. Dad passed away more than 3 years ago. I am finally promoted at work after 17 years. In a relationship for almost 2 years.
Although dad had passed for more than 3 years, I still miss him so dearly. Often I will cry thinking about him and his last days in the hospital. When I looked at him then and feeling useless for I couldn't do anything for him to make him feel better. :( Now mum and I are going to Singapore for a trip and we miss him too because he is not with us. I have no one to talk to on my feelings. Having this current boyfriend does not seem to do any good either. All he is giving me are frustrations and mental torture. As of today, I am almost 100% certain that I will break off from this relationship. The things that are keeping me from doing that is his health and financial conditions. But those will not be the right reasons for me to continue with an unhappy relationship. I feel so sad and guilty. But why should I feel guilty when I have done nothing wrong? All my life, I feel that I have not met the right guy. I'm already 49 this year and yet I still haven't found my soulmate. I will leave that in God's hands. Amen.
Feel like crying. But seems like life wants me to toughen up and live my life. Over the last 2 years also, work had been the most challenging and it almost broke me down mentally. Is it true what some friends say about me that I am prone to mental abuse i.e. to be psycho-ed mentally to do things for other people ... basically meaning that I am always bullied into doing things for others? Dear God, why am I going through my life with all these kind of people? What am I suppose to learn from this? :(
I guess that's all I feel like saying today. I pray that life will be smooth for me and my family members. I love them all and I'd give my life and happiness in exchange for their health and happiness. May God protect and keep them safe from all evil and harm. Amen.
