I have been busy. In a way it is good to keep my mind off things.
Since last Friday, 6 September, Rafik started to reply me a bit more on WhatsApp. By Saturday, which was 2 weeks from his silence, he started to be more chatty like how he was before. That made me happy but confused at the same time with my feelings. But I chose to feel happy simply because i love him too much to hold any grudges with him.
I took the opportunity to ask him out again on Saturday and this is for Sunday and he said he will think about it. By Sunday, 8 September, I asked him again and he said yes to go out for dinner with me. I was soooooo happy and because my birthday is coming up, I wanted him to celebrate my birthday with me. He continued to be very responsive over WhatsApp and I am just thrilled... estatic!!!
That night, I got all dressed up; with a black shirt and jeans and brought my DSLR camera with me. Made my dinner reservations in the afternoon and went to pick him up. He was running late as he needed to shift rooms at the uni hostel. I waited for more than 20 mins and he appeared. I didn't mind waiting for him and was just sooo happy to see him with a new haircut. He is simply gorgeous!! Love u so much babe.
He asked me to drive him to the laundry shop and when he got into my car, i held his hand. It felt like heaven to touch him again. And we held hands all the way. I told him that we shouldn't be too late as i had made dinner reservations. He asked where i was taking him and assumed McDonalds (jokingly). :) So cute!!!
When we arrived at the dinner place (Italian), we sat down and made our orders. Then i wanted to take pictures with him. So we did take a few.... before and during dinner. He was very obliging and he enjoyed doing so with me. After dinner we sat in my car and chat for a bit. We talked about why he was silence for the 2 weeks and he answered that I should start to get used to it as he will be leaving soon. He said that he doesn't want me to be sad or himself to be sad. :( That's sweet in his own ways but i told him that it doesn't work for me that way and i don't want him to be silent with me. I asked him to consider doing his Masters and he knows that my main intention is to have him stay here. I asked also if he does not have a partner, if he would accept me in his life and he said 50/50. I looked at him and he said he knows what I wanted him to answer and that I should know his answer but he wouldn't say it ... so just a 50/50. I took that as that he will be with me as the answer because it felt that way when he said he wouldn't answer me and that I should know his answer.
Then we went for a drive ... to the airport and back into town. As we passed the first flyover, he teased me by putting my hand to his crotch. Then he retracted and said he just wanted to tease. I told him that I have not stopped wanting him but I am just not suggesting it because I don't want to put him in the position where he will feel bad again. :(
We drove to Batu Lintang, Satok ... over the bridge... back into town and went for a walk at Waterfront. At the end of the walk, he stared to distant himself again and won't let me put my arms around his shoulders (said that it made him feel chained) and won't take any more photos with me. When i drove him back, he won't let me hold his hands. It is sad for me but I have to remember that he will be leaving and this is inevitable. :( Messaged him again when i got home and he replied. I slept late that night for I felt sad.
The next day, I messaged him and he was very responsive also. And I sent some of our photos to him too. :) During lunch, I heard the song on the radio "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams and i cried in the car. I will always love you babe. :( I can't have you and I have to let you go. :( He knows how much I love him and I guess that matters a lot to me.
Today, he is packing some things to be sent back home through his cousin. He posted a lot of things on Instagram last night and i saw them this morning when i woke up. The sad feeling is there again as he is leaving soon. :( I messaged him and he still response to me all the time.
I told him that night that if ever our paths meet again, I will continue to love him and if he ever needs anything, he can just call me and let me know. I even told him that if he is willing to be mine, I'd pay for his Master's education.
I guess it's up to God's will. I feel that God has answered my prayers and gave me a good closure for this chapter. I had a great time and night out with Rafik and a great birthday celebration with him. I posted one of our photos together in my facebook page to acknowledge his importance in my life. Then i also posted in my status in my WeChat hoping that he will read it, saying "No Good Byes ,,, Love Always and Always"
I will love u for always babe. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
