Rafik is having his so called 'Induction' (induksi) starting last night (23 Aug 2013) at 7.30pm. During the day he has been very responsive to all the msgs I had sent him. :)
He has also gotten his blood test results back and everything is good. I reminded him again of the 'proposal' and hope he will agree.
He will be very busy with this induction and i told him that i need to see him again despite the busy schedule. He teased tat our night out on 22nd was the last night. :P But he could see the sadness in my expression when he said that. Will see how it goes ... at the same time, I hope my car will be back from the workshop so that i can see him and be with him.
I did tell him about my upcoming birthday also whe we went out on the 22nd ... and he teased tat he will not remember it. Whatever!! :P
Friday, 23 August 2013
Heart to Heart
This entry is for 22 August 2013
My car is still in the workshop after being there for more than a week. It is just tooooooooo frustrating!!! But I decided to drive the other older car out to be with my babe.
Wanted to buy a bouquet of 3 red roses for Rafik but the florists closed at 6pm. I was disappointed. :(
Nevertheless, I went to pick up my babe. He was all dressed up ... white long sleeve shirt, jeans and dress shoes. He looked so handsome, so smart... love him totally. Held his hand while i drove the whole time. He kept asking me to stay focus on the road. :)
Drove him to the laundry shop to pick up his laundry... 2 big bag!! Goodness. :) Then we drove to the mall and at the carpark, i was very notti and i touched him. He let me but teased that I am molesting him again. :P
Went to have dinner at Kenny Rogers. At dinner, we took photos together and I managed to have a heart to heart talk with him. I am just soooooooooo sure now that he loves me too in his own ways. I asked him about the night of 31 July and he admitted that he had never done that with anyone else either and that he feel that I am someone special to him. Took my breath away!! I told him that I had never given myself to anyone in that way before and that I did it only because i love him very much. The way he held me and they way he kissed me ... it was all that matters. And i held his hand in the restaurant while we had this talk and he let me. He smiled and he was being serious with me with that conversation. I suggested to him that we shud be 'together' again. Although he didn't say yes... he knows that i needed him that way and that he's somewhat wanting that too ... just it's what i feel from him. The heart to heart conversation made me feel soooooooooo close to him that i feel that we are a couple that night and i repeatedly said 'I LOVE YOU' a few times to him. He responded with a sweet smile. :)
We then took more photos in the mall ... and watched a movie. I asked him to sit close to me to keep me warm. As the night progressed, the cinema got colder and i held his hand though he had them folded over his chest. He didn't push me away but let me held his hand.
Movie finished late ... so i drove him back. Could see that he was tired. Held his hand all the way too till he got home. Msg him after I got home and he replied. :)
I wonder if things will get better with us.
Hugs babe. I love you.
My car is still in the workshop after being there for more than a week. It is just tooooooooo frustrating!!! But I decided to drive the other older car out to be with my babe.
Wanted to buy a bouquet of 3 red roses for Rafik but the florists closed at 6pm. I was disappointed. :(
Nevertheless, I went to pick up my babe. He was all dressed up ... white long sleeve shirt, jeans and dress shoes. He looked so handsome, so smart... love him totally. Held his hand while i drove the whole time. He kept asking me to stay focus on the road. :)
Drove him to the laundry shop to pick up his laundry... 2 big bag!! Goodness. :) Then we drove to the mall and at the carpark, i was very notti and i touched him. He let me but teased that I am molesting him again. :P
Went to have dinner at Kenny Rogers. At dinner, we took photos together and I managed to have a heart to heart talk with him. I am just soooooooooo sure now that he loves me too in his own ways. I asked him about the night of 31 July and he admitted that he had never done that with anyone else either and that he feel that I am someone special to him. Took my breath away!! I told him that I had never given myself to anyone in that way before and that I did it only because i love him very much. The way he held me and they way he kissed me ... it was all that matters. And i held his hand in the restaurant while we had this talk and he let me. He smiled and he was being serious with me with that conversation. I suggested to him that we shud be 'together' again. Although he didn't say yes... he knows that i needed him that way and that he's somewhat wanting that too ... just it's what i feel from him. The heart to heart conversation made me feel soooooooooo close to him that i feel that we are a couple that night and i repeatedly said 'I LOVE YOU' a few times to him. He responded with a sweet smile. :)
We then took more photos in the mall ... and watched a movie. I asked him to sit close to me to keep me warm. As the night progressed, the cinema got colder and i held his hand though he had them folded over his chest. He didn't push me away but let me held his hand.
Movie finished late ... so i drove him back. Could see that he was tired. Held his hand all the way too till he got home. Msg him after I got home and he replied. :)
I wonder if things will get better with us.
Hugs babe. I love you.
Sunday, 18 August 2013
If only ...
Rafik somewhat changed after he went back to his hometown for a week (3-11 Aug) and spent time with his partner. What i thought i had achieved is fading fast. He would hardly reply my msgs ... and he starts to give me hot and cold treatment. One moment he is really happy that i am missing him soo very much ... another moment, he wants us just to be friends and that i should stop calling him babe. :(
But when he got back on 11 Aug 2013, we went out ... i bought him one red rose, a bottle of Body Shop perfume and a dinner. Wanted him to know how much he meant to me and that i love him. He was very happy with all that was given to him. Had a really nice night.
Went out again on 13 Aug 2013. Watched 'Percy Jackson - Sea of Monsters' and on the way back, he grabbed me and took me by surprise as i grabbed his hard on.
If only ........
I wonder if he loves me some. I told him that i love him dearly.
Time flies .... and he will be leaving soon. :(
Will see how things go but with the hot and cold treatment, i will need to be ready to let go of this chapter.
If only ........
All for Love
This is suppose to be the post for July 31 2013.
Tonight I rented a room (212) and did it with Rafik. It was nothing that I had ever done i.e. to rent a room to have sex. Rafik was all into it. Such a sweet man. I feel all the love when i'm with him. Despite him already have a partner, he wanted me that night and i wanted him.
My world was all complete when he entered me. His gazes and his every move made me feel wanted. Though he is much much younger yet he looked after me and we made love. If only that can be more than just that one night. He became very close to me that night as we held each other in bed after we showered. All was just wonderful as we kissed and kissed and did it again.
I am in love with Rafik. :)
Monday, 11 June 2012
My Heartache .. The SMS .. My Horoscope
It seems like the end is inevitable. There is just nothing I can do to win his heart to love me. On Saturday night, 9 June 2012, he was out with friends and I tried calling him but he won't answer. I got upset and sent him an sms telling him that it hurts when he won't answer. :(
With that I didn't sleep well ... felt bad about sending it and everything about that feeling i had.
The next day 10 June 2012 .. just before 12 noon, Nick replied me :
"I don't think you realize that this is hard on me too. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I hope you know that. But it seems the more time I spend with you I hurt you, as I cannot give you what you're looking for. If I pull away a bit, then I hurt you again coz you think I'm ignoring you. Whatever I do I seem to only hurt you. I find this very hard and upsetting so I don't know what I should be doing."
I rang him back but he was out. So about 4pm he sms saying that he is home and I rang him for 20 mins. We talked and he just don't feel that about me. He still says that his heart is still with the man in Australia. :( I told him :
I think the world of you
I have not loved another as much as I love you for a long time
You grew on me ...and I feel in love with you after I have met you. It was not a crush thing
I don't want you to to ever leave my life
I don't want to lose you even as a friend
I still want to see you all the time until the day that you leave. Even if it's going to be difficult, I still want to see you and I will just have to deal with it when the time comes
Nick understands my feelings for him ... and he says that:
he enjoys being with me,
he is happy to spend time with me,
he want's to continue to see me again
but he doesn't want to see me hurt
he doesn't want to see me sad
he wants me to be happy
he wants our friendship
but he needs his space too
Rang him again at night ...and said that i want to have lunch with him today 11 June 2012. He asked me if i'm sure about that and i said yes .. i'd never not want that and that he's always welcome to come to my house and everything else remains the same too.
This is my horoscope today:
You need to remember that change is a constant -- and today, it feels omnipresent! Your energy may resist whatever is coming at you, but if you can try to flow around it and even embrace it, you are sure to be happier.
I know I have to accept the fact that Nick cannot love me. :( My heart aches for him because I love him so much.
He had a haircut and he looked so handsome today. I still kiss him on the cheeks and be nice with him. Keeps me calm.
Will see him again at 7pm for Starbucks event which I had signed up for him on Saturday.
I pray that I can let him go in terms of love. I will forever love him in my heart. I love you babe.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOO
With that I didn't sleep well ... felt bad about sending it and everything about that feeling i had.
The next day 10 June 2012 .. just before 12 noon, Nick replied me :
"I don't think you realize that this is hard on me too. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I hope you know that. But it seems the more time I spend with you I hurt you, as I cannot give you what you're looking for. If I pull away a bit, then I hurt you again coz you think I'm ignoring you. Whatever I do I seem to only hurt you. I find this very hard and upsetting so I don't know what I should be doing."
I rang him back but he was out. So about 4pm he sms saying that he is home and I rang him for 20 mins. We talked and he just don't feel that about me. He still says that his heart is still with the man in Australia. :( I told him :
I think the world of you
I have not loved another as much as I love you for a long time
You grew on me ...and I feel in love with you after I have met you. It was not a crush thing
I don't want you to to ever leave my life
I don't want to lose you even as a friend
I still want to see you all the time until the day that you leave. Even if it's going to be difficult, I still want to see you and I will just have to deal with it when the time comes
Nick understands my feelings for him ... and he says that:
he enjoys being with me,
he is happy to spend time with me,
he want's to continue to see me again
but he doesn't want to see me hurt
he doesn't want to see me sad
he wants me to be happy
he wants our friendship
but he needs his space too
Rang him again at night ...and said that i want to have lunch with him today 11 June 2012. He asked me if i'm sure about that and i said yes .. i'd never not want that and that he's always welcome to come to my house and everything else remains the same too.
This is my horoscope today:
You need to remember that change is a constant -- and today, it feels omnipresent! Your energy may resist whatever is coming at you, but if you can try to flow around it and even embrace it, you are sure to be happier.
I know I have to accept the fact that Nick cannot love me. :( My heart aches for him because I love him so much.
He had a haircut and he looked so handsome today. I still kiss him on the cheeks and be nice with him. Keeps me calm.
Will see him again at 7pm for Starbucks event which I had signed up for him on Saturday.
I pray that I can let him go in terms of love. I will forever love him in my heart. I love you babe.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thursday, 7 June 2012
All The Smiles of Nick
Since I told Nick again that I love him. He's been so sweet to me 95% of the times. I have been really happy with him. However, at the back of my head it still hurts to know that he will not love me back. :(
Been talking to him on the phone on Tuesday 5 June
At 6.29am, I sms him saying "I love u babe. I won't stop lovin u"
He was having dinner at Jade Pot, then at bing. Rang and talked to him. Then again when he got home. :) I love you babe. Kisssssssss...............
Went out with him at night on Wednesday 6 June
At 3.30am, I sms him saying "Hi my babe. Hope u r sound asleep. Rest well babe. xxxooo love u lots babe"
Told me he din sleep until after 3am... and he saw my sms before he fell asleep. :) Hugs babe.
Had lunch with him on Thursday 7 June and went out for an hour at night on the same day
At 3.15am, I sms him saying "Babe how i wish u r sleeping in de next room. I wish to sneak into your bed n hold u while we sleep. I love u babe. Wish to hold u babe. Xxxooo"
During lunch, i asked him to let me smell his breath and he did ... and i kissed him after. :) He is a little heaty. Not too bad.
Today is Friday 8 June. I sms him at 1.53am saying "Babe i love u. Wish to be loved by you. xxxooo" .... and i have given him wake up calls and had a chat with him over the phone. When asked bout his movie tonight, he said it shud be 9pm++ I checked online and it's 10pm. I did tell him that i wanted to have a movie with him but since he is going out, then it's ok. I will miss him.
Nick has been smiling a lot with me. I love the feeling so much. I continued to kiss him very close to the mouth these days. :) Kisssssssssssssssssssssssssss ... and i love all the morning wake up calls for him. :)
Been talking to him on the phone on Tuesday 5 June
At 6.29am, I sms him saying "I love u babe. I won't stop lovin u"
He was having dinner at Jade Pot, then at bing. Rang and talked to him. Then again when he got home. :) I love you babe. Kisssssssss...............
Went out with him at night on Wednesday 6 June
At 3.30am, I sms him saying "Hi my babe. Hope u r sound asleep. Rest well babe. xxxooo love u lots babe"
Told me he din sleep until after 3am... and he saw my sms before he fell asleep. :) Hugs babe.
Had lunch with him on Thursday 7 June and went out for an hour at night on the same day
At 3.15am, I sms him saying "Babe how i wish u r sleeping in de next room. I wish to sneak into your bed n hold u while we sleep. I love u babe. Wish to hold u babe. Xxxooo"
During lunch, i asked him to let me smell his breath and he did ... and i kissed him after. :) He is a little heaty. Not too bad.
Today is Friday 8 June. I sms him at 1.53am saying "Babe i love u. Wish to be loved by you. xxxooo" .... and i have given him wake up calls and had a chat with him over the phone. When asked bout his movie tonight, he said it shud be 9pm++ I checked online and it's 10pm. I did tell him that i wanted to have a movie with him but since he is going out, then it's ok. I will miss him.
Nick has been smiling a lot with me. I love the feeling so much. I continued to kiss him very close to the mouth these days. :) Kisssssssssssssssssssssssssss ... and i love all the morning wake up calls for him. :)
Monday, 4 June 2012
When I Tell Him That I Love Him
Yes I told Nick in person last night (Monday 4 June 2012) 'I LOVE YOU'. He just smiled and answered 'I Know'.
I asked him how he felt about it and he said that it remained the same ... i didn't ask EXACTLY what it is but i remembered the time when he told me that he was not looking. So that will remain the same as in he will not start anything with me. :(
Somehow i feel that he loves me. Just that he will not start anything with me. I could feel the love from him ... i don't know if i'm sensitive or what but i truly could feel that from him last night.
I really really love Nick. I sms him this morning telling him 'I love you babe. I won't stop loving you.'
I m at a lost of what i'm feeling for him right now. My heart aches because of him ... yet my heart wants him dearly.
I will just take whatever I can have with him. :( God have mercy on me.
I love you babe.
I asked him how he felt about it and he said that it remained the same ... i didn't ask EXACTLY what it is but i remembered the time when he told me that he was not looking. So that will remain the same as in he will not start anything with me. :(
Somehow i feel that he loves me. Just that he will not start anything with me. I could feel the love from him ... i don't know if i'm sensitive or what but i truly could feel that from him last night.
I really really love Nick. I sms him this morning telling him 'I love you babe. I won't stop loving you.'
I m at a lost of what i'm feeling for him right now. My heart aches because of him ... yet my heart wants him dearly.
I will just take whatever I can have with him. :( God have mercy on me.
I love you babe.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)