My Prayer

Last night i was calmer.  I napped for an hour plus after dinner and i slept well.  Kinda kept me calm for a bit.

Then i decided that i want to sms N and so i did.  He replied saying that he had just finished gym.  I asked if he wanted a wake up call and he said yes to 9.00am.  I told him that i would ring him later yet when i did at 9.42pm he din respond.  i went online and saw him on skype.  he managed to just write 2 lines to me saying that he is on a skype call ... i waited till just about 12am then i decided to go to sleep.  :(  Guess whoever he was skyping to was far more important than me.  :(

And so my prayer goes like this ...

Dear Lord,

Please help me.  If I will never find true love in my life, then please end my life earlier.  I am here for my parents and i will be here for them.  The day my parents pass away, please take my life also for i do not wish to live my life being lonely.  It's just too painful for me.  Please don't torture me Lord.  :(  I know that i have no rights whatsoever to ask for this kind of things but that's how i feel.  :(

I wish to cry now.  But i can't for some reason.  D seems sincere but i don feel that i can trust him completely yet also.  :(  I don't know.  I have a problem.  I deserve to be alone?

When can i be truly happy again?